Verbal Faux Pas of a Four Year Old

by Sophie Gillum-Webb

Kids really have a way of saying the most bizarre and funny things without even knowing it. It's usually at the most impromptu and inappropriate time, and it's often something you'll not easily forget! My sons had a few 'classic' moments like the time he told his class I was a cow or when we went on holiday, and he kept telling people we got rid of our dog when in actual fact we had just left her in the kennels while we were away! I'm always half expecting him to come out with something inappropriate, but I wasn't quite expecting my son to blurt out that - in his words he: "Can't wait to die."

When my son went into reception, it was a somewhat overwhelming time for me as a parent. He was my little boy and had spent most of his life up to that moment with me. Of course, he had attended a nursery, but the hours were quite flexible, and it fit around our adventures more than anything. I think the key to feeling comfortable leaving your child at school is to find one you feel fits in with your values and lifestyle. I hunted to find a school that I loved, and I think the saying is true: "When you know you know." As soon as I entered the classroom, I knew it was the perfect place for him to spend the next few years of his life. If he was going to spend his days away from me, then this was definitely the place.

Surprisingly for me, the school was a Christian faith school. We aren't particularly religious, and we had never taken Henry to church or anything, but the school were quite ok about that. Within the first few weeks, Henry would race home and tell me all about what he had learnt. He was even enjoying doing the morning prayers and learning about the existence of God. He was really happy and settling in well.

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When we had some unusually warm weather towards the end of that September, we invited some friends over for an afternoon barbeque. Henry was in his element, talking all about his new school and what he had been up to. Soon the conversation turned to God and what he had been learning about Christianity. It was this moment that he blurted out a shocking confession!

"I just can't wait to die." He said matter of factly between bites of his burger. He was so cool and calm as if he was merely asking for someone to pass the ketchup. I could see the horror flash instantly across our guests' faces, and the whole table fell silent. I wasn't sure how to react to that comment, and suddenly I started panicking that he was suffering from some kind of four-year-olds depression or could it be PTSD from starting reception? Oh gosh, was it my fault? Something I had done? Not breastfed long enough, breastfed too long, didn't feed him exclusive organic produce or was it our weekly trip to McDonald's!

"What did you say, love?" My husband asks him from across the table, and it took everything I had not to throw a half-eaten hot dog at his head. For the love of God, don't make him repeat it! Beads of sweat began forming above my brows, my heart thudding in my chest as I could do nothing but watch the awkward exchange unfold.

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"I said I can't wait to die, Dad," Henry replied proudly. "I can't wait to die because then you get to meet God, don't you?" He asked. "I mean, I don't want to die yet. Like maybe in a thousand years or something!" With that, he stood up from the table and went off to play. Suddenly relief flooded over me, and the awkward silence was filled with the hysterical laughter from our guests.

I'm sure Henry will continue to surprise me with his innocent verbal faux pas, but it makes for a good laugh in the end!

Have your children ever said anything that's unintentionally made you howl with laughter?


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Written by

Sophie Gillum-Webb

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I'm Sophie a wife and mother to two boys living in Cheshire with our dogs. My eldest is almost eight years old, and my youngest is under 1 year! Parenting is hard work, and it certainly isn’t filled with glamour, but I love being a mum. I’m all about building up other parents and abolishing this misconception that parenting should be perfect. We are all just trying to do our best to get by, and I am no exception and can often be found unashamedly winging it on the daily! I appreciate the simple things in life good food, great company and lots of laughter.

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