There’s no doubt in my mind of the immense strain parenting can have on a marriage, especially in the newborn days.
The lack of sleep, the lack of intimacy, the lack of time together. It’s no surprise really. Maintaining a healthy relationship after babies can be really tough. The lifestyle change can be such a shock to the system.
Here are 10 ways to rekindle the romance.
Notice Each Other's Strengths
I don’t want to be married to someone who’s on my case all the time. Nor does my spouse.
I’d hazard a guess and say that none of us wants to be with someone who continuously picks at their faults.
It’s important to remember the positives, even if things seem pretty bleak. Perhaps go back to basics and think about all the good things your partner does for you and your baby.
Noticing and acknowledging somebody’s strengths only builds relationships.
Talk About the Future
The future’s exciting. Get talking about it with your other half.
Get excited together. Fall in love with the life you’re going to build together for your family. It can be your very own personal project to work together on.
Talking about what the future might have in store is a great way to spend time together and really feel connected to one another.
Equality Matters
For the last couple of years, I’ve been juggling self-employment with being a stay-at-home mum to two small children.
In the beginning, there was a huge part of me that felt uneasy that I wasn’t contributing financially. Thankfully my husband has always called things ‘ours’ not ‘his’. He does what he does for our family, as do I.
And that’s because we’re a team. It matters how we label things.
And just because one person brings more financial stability to the table, doesn’t mean the other doesn’t do their fair share too.
Choose Your Words Wisely
I myself have been very slapdash when it comes to the words I’ve used in front of my husband. He would say the same thing.
Words can be really hurtful and it’s really important we choose them wisely. I get it!
Sometimes you say things to have an effect on the other person. But in the long run, is it really worth it? Marriage is a unity and an act of teamwork. Careless words can belittle the vows we once made.
Let Your Children See You as a Team
It’s so important to show a united front in front of your kids.
Having your children see you as a team avoids any kind of shoe in for the kids to drive a wedge between you. Because if I know anything about parenting, it’s that if children see an opportunity to do something, they’ll do it. No doubt about it!
Being a team also helps to build your relationship as a couple. It might also promote a healthy relationship between siblings. Having positive relationships to look up to promotes great sibling bonds and friendships with their peers.
Prioritise Time for Each Other
Prioritising time for just the two of you will help you remember who you were before babies.
We were all someone before we became parents and it's crucial to remember so, as one day your babies won’t be babies anymore. It might seem far off, but they won’t need you in the same way that they do now.
If you don’t make the time to grow together as a couple you might find the only thing you come to have in common is the children.
Having a baby is a huge life change, so making time for each other is vital. Make sure to plan date nights, which can be anything from movie nights to going out for dinner just the two of you.
Having a baby can mean you find you've got less money, but date night doesn't need to be expensive, just pop on a film and have a cuddle together!
Join Louise Broadbridge, senior midwife & the face of instagram's @thehonestmidwife for a live, online class preparing you and your partner for natural labour, birth and beyond. Enjoyed by 1000's of expectant parents like you.
Disagree Fairly
I’m a firm believer that you can love and show love whilst still having a difference of opinions. Our differences are what makes us unique and what makes the world go round.
We fell in love with our partners despite our differences, right?
As long as we disagree fairly, with reasonable debate and no low blows, I think differences of opinion can be healthy. Although you may not agree, it makes the other person think slightly differently and that can only be a good thing.
Debate, but debate respectably.
Apologising Doesn’t Mean You’ve Lost
Apologising doesn’t mean you’ve lost that particular argument. It doesn’t make your emotions any less valid.
It just means you’re owning your mistakes and being adult enough to do so. Once you’ve apologised I think it’s so important to park it, reset and get on with the rest of your day. Once the argument is done, it should be done. Final.
Problem Solve, Don’t Run
You need to be looking for ways through rough patches together, not ways out.
Parenting can take its toll on both parents. No one ever said being new parents was easy. And in more cases than not it affects one person more than it does the other.
It’s in the darkest times when we need to problem-solve and figure out a way to resolve issues together.
For better, for worse, right?
